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Divorce. Parents have always worried about its effects on children — and for good reason. For decades, psychologists have observed that many children of divorce mistrust romance and marriage, and demonstrate varieties of fear-based behaviors when they ent

March 31, 2011

In this study, participants whose parents had divorced had more negative attitudes toward marriage, more positive attitudes toward divorce, and in general a weaker commitment to marriage than participants whose parents hadn't divorced. Furthermore, the participants who described conflict in their parents' marriage were significantly more likely to report conflict in their own romantic relationships.

"Children of divorced parents: you may have unwittingly inherited two liabilities to successful marriage," write the study authors. "Namely, lessened commitment to marriage and increased predilection for conflict." Informed by these odds, it might be wise for married (or soon-to-be-married) people from divorce backgrounds to consider taking several steps to protect their own relationships:

  1. If you're not married yet but have crossed the threshold into something serious, consider pre-marital counseling to help you identify potential potholes and sources of conflict.
  2. Educate yourself about the elements of healthy and strong partnerships: read an excellent relationship book (for example, the works of Jon Gottman, Harville Hendrix, and Sue Johnson's Hold Me Tight); attend relationship seminars; regularly post our Couples Tip of the Month on your refrigerator door.
  3. Align yourself and your partner with a couples counselor when times are good, before trouble erupts. Schedule check-ups from time to time as you'd do with your personal physician, and use those meetings to talk about the relationship molehills — before they become mountains.