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Voice Effects

You probably never thought about lowering your voice during an argument. You probably never heard about the power of reducing your volume when tempers flare and emotions spill over. Here's what you need to know:

A Podcast Series from The Family Institute

In this podcast episode, Neil Venketramen, staff therapist at The Family Institute, interviews Dr.

90% of being a couple is just shouting "what?" from other rooms.

If you found that line even a little bit funny, here's what happened to your brain: an electrical wave traveled out through your cerebral cortex and your body experienced surprise, delight, perhaps an audible chuckle.

“I’m sorry” doesn’t always end couple conflict in a satisfying way. Often something more is needed, an expression in words or actions that speaks to and “corrects” the underlying experience of one or both partners.

“My friend Caroline is driving me crazy,” your partner reports, exasperated. “She keeps pushing me to go shopping again, but I don’t have her endless energy for that.” Quickly, you’re poised to suggest a way she can beg off on her friend’s invitation.

Unleash Vitality

Is the relationship too flat and lifeless, lacking vitality? Maybe you’re not telling the truth often enough.

Who among us doesn’t sometimes say the wrong thing or act in a way that triggers — even accidentally — a spouse’s hurt feelings? And who among us, after a misstep, doesn’t want to be forgiven? We want our partner to move on without harboring ill will.

Emotional Brain Vs. Logical Brain

We have two brains — one that can get us into trouble, and one that can get us out.

The Growth Mindset

Judging by the words we use, we often view the rough patches in our relationship through a harsh and critical lens: “we’ve hit the skids” or “we’ve fallen on bad times.” How easy it is to scare ourselves into thinking that our partnership is doomed, or that we’re stuck living forever with so much unhappiness.

Right Versus Smart

You’re waiting at the corner of Michigan and Huron, meeting your partner for lunch. Ten minutes have passed, fifteen…twenty minutes and no call, no text — nothing. She arrives after thirty minutes — cool calm and collected. Seeing the vexed look on your face, she asks what’s wrong.