Providing Support For Individuals Experiencing Relationship Problems

Tips for Clinicians, Family Members, and Friends

When couples are dissatisfied in their relationship, couple therapy, in which both members of the couple participate in the treatment, has become one of the most widely practiced interventions. The effectiveness of couple therapy in improving couple relationships has been demonstrated by several studies.
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Poor Sleep Is Bad for Both Your Health and Your Relationship

Sleepless Nights = Worse Fights

We know that hunger can leave us susceptible to poorly-handled arguments with a partner. So, too, can insufficient sleep. Researchers have found that following nights of poor sleep (less than 7 hours), couples experience more conflict and more difficulty resolving conflict amicably. Sleep deprived partners may have a harder time bringing patience, humor and kindness to those heated moments that every couple faces, as compared to better rested partners.
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Love and Hate Are Not Opposites

Who hasn't at times hated a loved one?

It happens in every intimate relationship, a moment when frustration or upset or disdain grows so large that the thought crosses the mind: I hate him / I hate her. Love and hate - they aren't opposites, and it's not a zero sum game where the more of one means the less of the other. Both feelings can stir, as they inevitably do.
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Should You or Should You Not Spank Your Kids?

Spanking Revisited

Researchers at the University of Texas and the University of Michigan reviewed fifty years of studies representing the findings across more than 160,000 children. What they found was that the more children are spanked, the more likely they are to show aggressive and anti-social behavior and to manifest mental health and cognitive difficulties. These researchers concluded that spanking harms children in ways not unlike the harm from physical abuse.
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The Power of Inside Jokes

90% of being a couple is just shouting "what?" from other rooms.

Particularly powerful are inside jokes —​​​​​​​ our shared funny takes on friends and family, our memorable and laughably embarrassing moments, our private vocabulary and expressions that always bring a smile to our faces. Inside jokes can lighten the moment as the relationship slides into darker territory. Self-effacing humor can be especially effective as a substitute for the defensiveness that erupts so quickly and easily during arguments.
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Acknowledge Both Partners Through Circular Stories

Resisting the urge to tell linear, blaming stories frees us to tell more helpful circular stories that acknowledge it takes two to tango. Circular stories call up our best and most generous self, conveying: We're a team and we're in this together.
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Ways to Express You're Sorry Beyond an Apology

“I’m sorry” doesn’t always end couple conflict in a satisfying way. Often something more is needed, an expression in words or actions that speaks to and “corrects” the underlying experience of one or both partners.

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How to Avoid a Fight? Observe Yourself and Be Present

“My friend Caroline is driving me crazy,” your partner reports, exasperated. “She keeps pushing me to go shopping again, but I don’t have her endless energy for that.” Quickly, you’re poised to suggest a way she can beg off on her friend’s invitation.

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Badmouthing Your Spouse to Your Kids May Backfire

Boomerang Effect

High conflict couples may try to keep denigrating comments out of the kids’ earshot, but angry words can travel through walls and doors before the children have fallen off to sleep at night.
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Marital Harmony is Linked to Good Heart Health

Marriage and the Heart

How to understand the connection between hearth health and marital strain? Perhaps repeated exposure to stress hormones like cortisol (which increases blood pressure) and adrenaline (which increases heart rate and blood pressure) gradually undermine heart function.
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