conflict resolution

A 2011 review* of 5,000 divorce petitions revealed that 33% of allegations of improper spousal behavior cited postings on Facebook as evidence. This figure is an increase from 20% when a similar review was first conducted in December 2009 by the popular British divorce website, www.divorce-online.co.uk.

Consequences — a catchword of modern parenting. Time-out is a consequence. So is docking allowance, withholding privileges, grounding from social life. The conundrum, of course, is knowing what the right consequence should be to fit the "crime."

Commitment is about making it hard on ourselves to walk away once we've decided — and only after making it clear to a spouse — that we're not willing to live like this anymore. And it's about being ready to do what it takes for a period long enough to give change a chance, relying on reasonable compromise, appropriate sacrifice, professional counseling, and lots of conversation.

"Why did you have to ...?" "If it wasn't for you ..." "How many times have I told you ...?" Is there any couple alive that doesn't sometimes indulge in the blame game — finding fault in one another when something goes wrong?

"You may be the love of my life," said the husband, "but I feel really upset when you ____."

What driver hasn't had the experience of traveling down the highway when a car in the adjacent lane veers dangerously close or cuts us off? In an instant, many of us erupt with an angry expletive at the "jerk" in the next car.

Money. Power. Sex. Three of the trickiest topics for couples to discuss. Sex, in particular, can stir feelings of embarrassment and shame, leaving us tongue-tied. For instance, a great many women experience physical pain during intercourse — and find it tough to talk about.

If the thought of the kids sitting ringside when you and your partner go at it leaves you horrified, it's time to brush up on your fair fighting skills.

Research published in Psychological Science (September 30, 2010) reveals that men apologize less often than women.