Back to top

The Magic Touch

Would it surprise you to know that there are health benefits of holding hands with your partner as you walk down the street, or embracing when you return home at the end of the day? Or setting your hand atop his thigh or behind his neck when you're the passenger next to him in the car?

How Was Your Day?

Is there a more banal question than How was your day? When asked, we often treat it as a throw-away and reply with a quick and mindless "fine" or "okay," our eyes never leaving the computer or the television screen. We rarely expect it to be the start of a conversation.

Women once sent love letters on scented stationery, hoping the fragrance would arouse the object of their affection. Those days are largely gone, but the wish to arouse a loved one still remains. Only the vehicles of communication have changed.

When Sexual Compulsivity Interferes with Intimacy

Through our use of cell phones, laptops, and tablets, we can feel as though we are more “connected” than ever before. We can check Facebook posts, send emails, stream video, or text our partners — all while sitting on the bus, in Starbucks or at work.

What trips up couples? Poor communication, overworked spouses, the stress of raising children, financial pressures — these are what typically come to mind. But one culprit often goes unmentioned: a partner's history of childhood sexual abuse. Some studies estimate that 1 in 5 women and 1 in 20 men have been subjected to sexual abuse as youngsters.

“We love each other. We have a good relationship. But there’s not much happening in the bedroom.”

Sound familiar? You’re not alone; low sexual desire within long-term marriage is rampant. Many marriage counselors believe it stems from the age-old conundrum of two competing human needs: security versus passion. What encourages the former tends to discourage the latter.

Surviving Childhood Sexual Abuse

Childhood experiences greatly influence our adult relationships, choices and habits. Some experiences children face, though, are far more detrimental than others.

“The feeling that ‘no one is listening to me’ makes us want to spend time with machines that seem to care about us.”*

So much “traffic” seeking us out in our online world and yet many of us go through our days with a sense that “no one is listening.” Not even our spouse. Especially our spouse.

Consider Katherine, age 46, who during the past few years has begun finding sexual intercourse painful.