marriage

High conflict couples may try to keep denigrating comments out of the kids’ earshot, but angry words can travel through walls and doors before the children have fallen off to sleep at night.

It’s a popular notion that couples who engage in more sex are more content in their relationship than couples who engage in less. But is it true? Perhaps sex operates like money. In that area, research has revealed that the greater one’s family income, the higher the level of reported satisfaction — but only to a point. Beyond a certain income level, more money doesn’t enhance satisfaction. Could it be that way when it comes to sex?

How to understand the connection between hearth health and marital strain? Perhaps repeated exposure to stress hormones like cortisol (which increases blood pressure) and adrenaline (which increases heart rate and blood pressure) gradually undermine heart function.

Once relationships pass through the early honeymoon and romance phase, it’s easy for us to take for granted the qualities in a partner that we appreciated early on. We can forget what once seemed special, focusing instead on traits and behaviors we now find annoying and unattractive.

We all have a Third Ear, but we don’t always use it. The Third Ear hears beyond the surface words to a spouse’s underlying mood or emotions. With our Third Ear we’re like an audience listening while staying in our seats, never climbing onto the stage to join the drama.

Is the relationship too flat and lifeless, lacking vitality? Maybe you’re not telling the truth often enough. Most of us hate to make waves; we strive to avoid conflict, even mild friction. In our determination to keep tension to a minimum, we step away from being honest when we suspect that honesty might agitate otherwise calm waters.

Ask your partner if you’re a good listener. For most of us, it’s often hard to accurately grasp the main idea, particularly during a difficult conversation. And it’s harder still when we’re pseudo-listening...

One of the most complicated scenarios in couple therapy involves the situation in which one or both partners express uncertainty about trying to preserve their marriage. As described by Doherty (2011), this “mixed-agenda” couple occurs when one partner prefers to save the marriage (“leaning in”), while the other partner wishes to end it (“leaning out”). When couples come to the brink of divorce before they seek professional counseling, their respective agendas for couple therapy can be so misaligned that any progress the therapist tries to make with the couple is thwarted by the depth of their polarization.