marriage

Finding yourself and your partner on the brink of a spat? First check how long since either of you have eaten. We all know how easy it is to be grumpy when we’re hungry. Indeed, there’s a connection between our mood and the level of blood sugar — glucose — in the body.

Who among us doesn’t sometimes say the wrong thing or act in a way that triggers — even accidentally — a spouse’s hurt feelings? And who among us, after a misstep, doesn’t want to be forgiven? We want our partner to move on without harboring ill will. Research has found that an authentic apology increases the likelihood of being forgiven, and reduces feelings of anger in the “injured” spouse.

How busy do you keep yourself? Very busy? Crazy busy? Insanely busy? Nowadays we’re almost always busy. We boast about it as a point of pride — so much achievement and productivity!

“We love each other. We have a good relationship. But there’s not much happening in the bedroom.”

We have two brains — one that can get us into trouble, and one that can get us out.

“Just as there are no great achievements without setbacks, there are no great relationships without conflicts and problems along the way.”*

Remarriage is quickly becoming a normative event within our society. Because estimates suggest that more than two thirds of women and three quarters of men remarry after divorce (Sweeney, 2010), eventually more people may be a part of a remarriage than a first marriage (Dupuis, 2007). Unfortunately, however, research also suggests that remarriages tend to end more quickly and more often than first marriages. Compared to first marriages, second marriages are about 10% more likely to end in divorce, while the risk of divorce in third marriages is 20% higher (Sweeney, 2010).

Have you ever seen two-year-olds side by side in a playground sandbox, shoveling sand into their pails but essentially indifferent to one another’s behavior — leaving each other alone as they tend to their own activity? It’s called parallel play, each toddler engaged in an independent activity that is similar to but not influenced by or shared with the others.

Have you ever found yourself bickering with your partner over what really happened? Debating your version versus mine? How easily we forget that there are always two realities at play: objective reality and emotional reality.