How To Take Care of Your Mental Health During the Holiday Season
It’s somehow already that time of year when our neighbors begin putting out holiday lights, restaurants advertise their catering menus, and holiday music starts to play in waiting rooms. For many of us, this time of year marks the beginning of the holiday season; a season when we spend quality time with loved ones, experience a well-needed reprieve from our daily tasks, and ideally look forward to joyful celebrations.
However, the truth is that for many, the holidays elicit a sense of dread, anxiety, stress, or sadness. If this is your story, you’re not alone. Whether it’s complicated family dynamics, fear of letting people down, financial or logistical constraints, illnesses, grief, or otherwise, it makes complete sense that you may be experiencing anticipatory stress related to the holiday season. In these cases, it will likely benefit you to be intentional with your self-care, a practice I refer to as holiday hygiene.
What is “holiday hygiene?”
Holiday hygiene is anything you need to do that allows you to approach the holidays mindfully. It’s essentially how you plan to prioritize your mental health during the holiday season. Take a look at some of these tips and consider which ones you may want to incorporate into your own holiday hygiene practice.
Tip #1: Check-in with yourself
Take a moment to pause, reflect, and check-in with yourself as you embark on a new holiday season. Consider these reflection questions as a guide:
- What feelings are coming up for me as I think about this holiday season? Remember: There is no right or wrong way to feel! And it’s also okay to be feeling a mixture of emotions, like feeling excited and sad at the same time.
- What is most important to me this holiday season/what do I actually care about? You may be feeling pulled in many directions or experiencing pressure to show up in certain ways, so it may be worthwhile to take the time to reflect on your priorities and what matters most to you.
- What obstacles/challenges can I anticipate that might impact my holiday experience? Although we don’t have a crystal ball to predict the future, sometimes things are patterned enough that they can be very predictable. Considering potential obstacles during the holiday season can help reduce stress and anxiety, because it helps us feel prepared.
Tip #2: Consider your capacity as it is vs. what you want it to be
A piece of what can make the holiday season so special is the beautiful and cherished traditions that we look forward to. To that end, sometimes we feel pressure to uphold our traditions and celebrations in specific and inflexible ways that can start to make us feel stressed and worried. And as much as we would like to pour into our traditions in the ways we have in the past, the truth is that we might not have the capacity.
It isn’t realistic to have the same levels of emotional, physical, financial, or mental energy every year. For example, you might be experiencing illness, have more on your plate, be experiencing grief, or maybe you are simply more fatigued than usual. It’s okay to wish you had the capacity to show up in ways you have in the past, yet it’s even more important to be honest with yourself and take inventory of your capacity as it is in this moment.
Tip #3: Set interpersonal boundaries where and when you can
The holidays are a time of year when family and friends gather to share in one another’s company and celebrate. Although connection and community are the intention, it isn’t uncommon to feel stressed out by the plans that others may be expecting you to commit to or to feel worried about how some interpersonal interactions might go. Family dynamics can be complicated, and it’s completely understandable if you’re experiencing some wariness as the holidays approach. See if any of these boundaries might feel useful in helping you navigate tricky interpersonal dynamics:
- Set time limits: Arrive late to a festivity or give yourself permission to leave early
- Skip out on conversations that don’t feel good to you
- Find times throughout the day to take micropauses during festivities (ex: going for a quick walk, 5-minute bathroom breaks, taking deep breaths, talking to a supportive person, taking a phone break, etc.)
- Consider saying no to things for which you don’t have the capacity
- Give yourself permission to change or be flexible with plans
Boundaries come in all shapes and sizes, and they don’t need to be “big” for them to be meaningful. Setting boundaries isn’t easy, and it would make sense if you feel discomfort at the thought of implementing some of these. Oftentimes, discomfort is a part of the boundary setting process and a sign you are working toward positive changes.
However, it’s also okay if it feels too hard or complicated to set boundaries right now. Sometimes NOT setting a boundary is the best approach in certain contexts. Be discerning and kind to yourself around this.
Tip #4: Let go of perfectionistic standards
Many of us relate to the desire to want to “do” the holidays “right.” We don’t just want to do all the things, we want to do all the things perfectly. There are many reasons and places where this can come from, and the intentions are usually good. For example, if you want to give your children a special holiday, you may find yourself worrying about how you can best decorate the house, purchase exciting gifts, cook the best meals, and provide the most enjoyable experience. Even though there is a good intention here (giving your children a special holiday), the expectations and pressures you are holding yourself to may start to feel stressful and anxiety-provoking.
It will likely feel uncomfortable to hear this, but things don’t need to be perfect for them to be memorable. If you’re experiencing a lot of distress around meeting certain standards or expectations, consider the areas where you can let yourself get a “B” in. Maybe give yourself permission to not shoot for an “A+” in every single holiday bucket.
Tip #5: Schedule joy and rest
You have been working incredibly hard all year, and you deserve to feel some joy and relaxation. When you’re looking at your holiday plans, consider intentionally planning something that will excite you, or that you find relaxing. This could look like carving out a few hours to spend engaging with a hobby or activity you love, or maybe prioritizing a get-together with someone who makes you laugh. Maybe you have the capacity to organize a mini getaway.
Being intentional in scheduling joy or relaxation might be beneficial if you are anticipating a stressful festivity. Perhaps you find relaxation by having a slow morning, planning to watch a comforting movie, or treating yourself to a warm cup of hot chocolate or your favorite holiday drink. Be assured that joy and rest can be found in small, micro-moments.
Closing thoughts
The holidays don’t have to be perfect, and neither do you. A little intention, a little compassion, and a few small pauses can go a long way. Take care of yourself — you deserve it!
