Flip-flops & family feels: Summer tips for parent-teen bonding

Following the colder and shorter seasons of winter and spring, the summertime promise of longer and brighter days is coveted by many. Whether it's the warmth of the sun on your skin during a getaway or that first refreshing bite of ice cream after a long day, summer invites us to reconnect with the world, and our senses, in ways we aren’t always able to year-round.

With that being said, we aren’t immune to stressors or challenges just because it’s summer. And a stressor that many of us are trying to navigate is how to spend time as a family while our teenagers are on summer break. Disruption to routines (although sometimes a welcome change of pace!) can create additional tensions and frustrations. Although many teenagers will be occupied with activities outside the home such as work, camp, volunteering, hanging out with friends etc., many parents are looking for healthy ways to foster a sense of family togetherness during these next few months.

Take a look at these tips below and see if any might work for you and your teenager.

Have check-ins with your teen

Changes in routines might alter the opportunities you have to connect with your teen. In an incredibly fast-paced society in which you bear many responsibilities, sometimes it’s hard to find the time to catch up together in meaningful ways. It might be worth setting an intention to deliberately check-in with your teen once a day. It doesn’t need to be lengthy – it can be as brief as: “Hey, what are you up to today?” or something like: ”I know you’ve been putting a lot of hours into work – how’s it been going?”

These attempts at checking-in might look small, but can go a long way in creating emotional safety between you and your teen. It may be meaningful to try and have a longer attempt at communication once a week. You can loop your teen into this if you think that would be helpful, or you can be intentional about carving out more time to find ways to signal interest in your teen’s life.

Ask your teen if there is anything they want to prioritize as a family

It’s hard to always know what our teen is feeling, thinking or desiring. When this is the case, it can be easy to interpret silence for indifference.

Unless you are privy to how your teen might want to spend family time this summer, it might be worth asking them if there is something they’d like to do as a family. If they don’t offer a specific idea (ex: take a trip to the beach, barbecue their favorite foods, family game night, try a new restaurant, etc.) you can brainstorm your own ideas and see if any resonate with your teen. Then, make sure to set a date and follow through to the best of your family’s availability.

Invite your teen to join you alongside some of your daily activities

If your teen is struggling to get out of the house, it may be worth inviting them to join you alongside some of your daily tasks. Whether you’re on your way to play paddle ball, going to the store, or heading out for a walk, inviting your teen to step out of the house might help them build momentum to stay active. Plus, it can create moments to connect with one another.

Of course, you are entitled to alone time, so it may be a bit of a balancing act to find an activity that your teen might be interested in and one that you wouldn’t mind some company. It’s important to try to not force your teen into doing anything. A simple and genuine invitation will likely reach them better.

Let go of unrealistic expectations

It’s understandable to have high expectations when you are excited about something. Since summer is a time that many people have fun and exciting things planned, it makes sense that you may carry high hopes and expectations. Usually, high expectations come from a good place. For example, if you have high expectations for an upcoming family vacation, it may be originating from the wish for the family to have a good time together and create long-lasting memories.

At the same time, if your expectations are too high, it may cause added pressure, stress or anxiety. And if you are swept up in the pressure to make the trip go well, it might actually take you further away from your intention of experiencing togetherness as a family. So, consider your expectations and see if there is anyway to give yourself permission to lower the bar a bit. Replace perfection with presence.

Put away the distractions and be present

As many of us know well, screens can disrupt our ability to be present and can compromise quality time as a family. Research continues to demonstrate that a higher use of screen time is associated with lower psychological well-being for both adolescents and adults (Nakshine, Thute, Khatib, & Sarkar, 2022; Twenge & Campbell, 2018. Attempts to reduce screen time can significantly benefit the entire family.

Though trying to dial back screen time can take some practice, even small screen-free moments, like a 30-minute family block, can foster more presence and deeper connection. Consider a time that the family may be most willing to tuck away the devices together. For example, maybe an hour in the evening every Sunday may work well with your family’s flow. Start in a way that feels good for your family and aim for progress, not perfection.

Closing thoughts

A little intentionality and creativity can go a long way in nurturing the bond between you and your teen throughout these next few months of summer. You never know when a seemingly small interaction can turn into something truly memorable.