At age 69, my mom received a diagnosis of metastatic breast cancer, and for the remaining three years of her life, doctor’s appointments, medication side effects, and ultimately metastasized cancer cells stole all that she loved.
Although my mom taught me many lessons, such as defensive driving, the joy of vacationing with my brother and his family, and our beloved meringue cookie recipe, she did not, could not, teach me how to live well in my seventies.
Fortunately, my work with many septuagenarian clients in both individual and couple therapy has provided an encyclopedia of full-throttle living as a seventy-something. Here is a beginning volume of what I have learned:
Continue to set goals.
Identifying and accomplishing goals, even in the absence of performance reviews, promotions, and raises, provides a map of oases of contentment and satisfaction. Playing in your first pickleball tournament, mastering a piano etude, or submitting an article for a local magazine all remind your body and soul, “I’m still growing and vital.”
Cling to your friends.
If life is like a space voyage, then your friends are like the crew on Artemis II, dependent on each other for a successful journey. Like crew members on Artemis II, friends support communication, share piloting duties, provide redundancy across roles, and respond to potential emergencies. They witness your extraordinary adventure, as reflected in pilot Victor Glover’s quote, “The gratitude of seeing what we saw, doing what we did, and being with who I was with — it’s too big to just be in one body.”
Manage your health.
Attending doctor’s appointments, adhering to medication regimens, and reconciling insurance claims is full-time work which you did not want nor apply for. Hacks for persisting in any nonpreferred activity can transfer to persisting in healthcare: commit to engaging in healthcare in brief routinized increments, follow healthcare with rewarding activity, and remember that maintaining your health is important work because you are valuable.
Continue to have sex.
Masturbation and/or partnered sex will continue to change as your body, relationships, and whims change, but continue to enjoy the pleasures of touch. Emily Nagoski, author of Come as You Are, defines good sex as sex that feels good, without consideration of penetration or orgasm.
Live your mission.
Just as you have lived your mission for your first seventy plus years, continue to live your mission during your eighth decade. If you already know your life’s purpose, perhaps supporting your villagers, beautifying the world, disseminating wise counsel, or creating shared spaces, you already know that mission-aligned activity delights the heart. Completing a strengths questionnaire or a values card sort can crystallize your North Star and your path toward a delighted heart.
The Family Institute’s mission is to strengthen and heal families from all walks of life. I guess I know what I’ll be doing in my seventies.
