Tips of the Month — Families

If you're a partnered parent, call the children into the room the next time the two of you slip into an argument. "Kids, we're having an argument and we want you to watch, listen and learn." If this suggestion sends shivers down your spine, know you're in good company. "We try not to fight in front of the kids" are words uttered by tens of millions of moms and dads.

According to a study published in the American Journal of Family Therapy (September, 2011), researchers have identified a syndrome of daytime behaviors that imitate Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) but seem linked instead to a lack of consistent bedtime routines and not to a child's brain chemistry.

"Is it true what Nietzsche said: "What doesn't kill me makes me stronger?" Research says it's true — to a degree. Psychologist have found that people who encountered a moderate amount of early life adversity showed lower overall distress and higher life satisfaction than people who experienced lots of adversity or no adversity at all (Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, in press).

Many of us have it backwards. With our kids, we emphasize talking rather than listening. We believe that good parenting means explaining, reminding, correcting, admonishing, instructing — it's no wonder a lot more words come out of our mouths than theirs. In time, all our gab tends to turn them off. By adolescence, many tune us out.

Mistakes? It's an inevitable part of the learning process — errors on homework, on tests, on the answers kids give when called on in class.

Boredom? Rather than something to be avoided at all costs, try thinking of boredom as the prelude to creativity. When children sit around with nothing particular to do — "Mom, I'm bored!" — and Mom resists the impulse to rescue them, they're challenged to use their imaginations and find ways to creatively pass the time. What better opportunity than summer to exercise this important capacity?

If the thought of the kids sitting ringside when you and your partner go at it leaves you horrified, it's time to brush up on your fair fighting skills.

Research published in the Journal of Developmental Psychology (December, 2009) reveals that kids who spent more time doing household jobs reported greater levels of happiness than kids who spent less.