Tips of the Month — Families

“Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster.” — Friedrich Nietzsche This well-known quotation has been invoked countless times over the past hundred years. Upon hearing it, people tend to nod in agreement, recognizing the essential truth in Nietzsche’s words. What goes unrecognized is the problematic word choice: monster. Consider this:

Do your children feel loved? Do they move through their days with a deep and abiding sense that they are truly loved and cherished? Studies have found that feeling loved confers important benefits: physical and mental health benefits,i protection against anxiety and depression, reduced risk of substance abuse, a sense of security, and more successful relationships.

Is there a secret to raising kids with high self-esteem? Arguably there is. It’s a rarely known approach any parent can master: non-judgmental empathic listening coupled with normalization. Through this special blend, our children learn to trust their emotions. “Knowing that my feelings are okay allows me to know that I’m okay.”

During this pandemic, many siblings are bickering more than ever. Being home together so much of the time, opportunities to get on each other’s nerves are endless. Some studies suggest that young sibling conflict occurs an average of eight times per hour.1 It can drive a parent crazy! But their fighting has an upside: it’s how they learn the consequences of playing unfairly (your playmate might up and leave), or the consequences of provoking someone bigger and stronger (you…

Remember Hansel and Gretel? Since 1812, children have been engaged by this familiar story from Grimm’s Fairy Tales. Pressured by their stepmother, a father abandons his children in a faraway forest and leaves them to die. The children are kidnapped by a witch who plans to devour them for her dinner. With themes of child abandonment, kidnapping and a near death experience, today’s parents might consider Hansel and Gretel dangerously dark and frightening for youth’s “fragile”…

A swatch of silver lining during the coronavirus pandemic: To Have (sparking gratitude) and Have Not (naming losses) conversations with the children. There’s much they can learn — lessons for a lifetime of emotional health and well-being — by guiding them through these tough times in an emotionally intelligent way.

If you find yourself sandwiched between two generations — your children and your aging parents — do all that you can to nurture their connection.1 With some exceptions, grandparents can deliver to grand-kids the unconditional love — and more — that can make an important contribution to a child's life. Particularly during times of family upheaval such as divorce, remarriage or illness, or when faced with their own challenging personal experiences, kids may find it easier to…

“Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone while you’re the one getting burned.” — attributed to the Buddha Conflict with friends, siblings and parents — it’s part of our kids’ everyday lives. We teach the importance of making amends when they’ve hurt someone’s feelings. But what about when their feelings have been hurt? Even if they’ve received a proper apology, we tend to overlook the next step: forgiveness.